Vodka + Hot Glue Gun at 11 am.

While undoing the dishwasher (for the 4,529,309th time) I did what I appear to do once yearly (do we need to say once, if it only happens yearly? hmmm. not sure, will keep anyway just in case) I do that Multi-Tasking Mom Thing: popped chicken nuggets in microwave for F and his pal, H, to have for breakfast (we're very broadminded here on what constitutes what meal) reached into dishwasher to put away silver ware.....

....grabbed hold of HOLY MARY MOTHER OF OUCHY SHARP END OF FUCKING KNIFE!

Yes. (deep breath, regain regal, ladylike status) Appears I've slit open my thumb.

I'm blooding, as F says. Blooding, mama, like, A LOT.

No kidding, honey - thumbs have all sorts of blood vessels and nerve endings which is why my Ugly Voice on the inside is screaming obscenities like you'll never read about. Not if I have anything to do about it.

Applied pressure. (both to thumb, and to lips, to keep all words beginning with F and ending with UCK to come flying out with their counterparts....cocksucker, holy shit, this really fucking hurts....etc) 

Still bleeding like stuck pig. Not an expression I completely understand, as I've not once, ever, personally stuck a pig. But if this is what it looks like? Now I've seen it.

Thumb is wrapped in old, very soft, kind of cleanish towel, I usually reserve for those Bad Days, when it's useful for crying into - wrapped in duct tape.

Hoping to avoid stitches.

Especially, as looks bad, to Other Mom, when dropping off son mere one hour after arrival only for her to hear some version of "Foxy's mom plays with knives, and cut herself. You should've heard what she was saying...."

ER is out for today. I hate needles. Have no one to hold my hand; the good one, obviously, so instead, have decided to take powers into my own hands...er...hand: am going for Variation on ER Theme.

Am hot glueing ends of skin together, after thorough bath in antiseptic. If still ugly tomorrow, will go then. Will give ER staff good laugh over hot glued owie; but, then, I do tend to bring them all the Good Ones.

Please hold......one belt watermelon vodka for me, now douse hand.....

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG - take breath, apply glue.....AAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hot glue hurts. But. Wound is no longer bleeding.

Is now, ON FIRE!!! But not bleeding.

Is step in the right direction.

Whew. Crisis averted.

I knew I kept a hot glue gun in my dining room for a reason.