ps....

Kindness pops up when least expected: in the friend that offered pizza and a movie, adult conversation, revolving around something. Or other. Or nothing.

Or, the friend, that called, before she got the email for Help! I'm Catching On Fire I'm So Mad! And I thought I'd be able to skip this part, and go from Pathetic Mess to Perfectly Put Together in a matter of weeks - who says, really, it's a good thing, to finally get angry, to get that all out; she says, it's IS GOOD silly, to get rid of all the toxic stuff - you can think about revenge, but c'mon, I know you, it's not in you - besides, when you're angry? You're really flipping funny.

When she laughs, I can't help but laugh too.

It's the girlfriend I emailed, who couldn't exactly follow what on Earth I was talking about, but not only read it anyway, sent her love, and her hugs, and says, really, I didn't need to explain: I'm with you, there, anyway.

Finding a Zen moment using toilet cleaner someone who read this knew I needed, and got for me, even wrapped it in pink tissue! because he knew I'd get a kick out of it.

Life is a process; some parts are pretty, some parts are .....not so much...it's the ones that are there to laugh at the good times, wipe your face at the bad ones, pour you a martini only to toast to getting through today - at least, I don't have to live it again.

It's finding a new opportunity, to be excited about, and BE excited! and know, that everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is to be so white hot pissed you singe the furniture, as it clears the way to focusing on what really matters: me, my little guy, my lemon beagle.

And, my friends.

Without whom, I would never have gotten this far - for that, I thank you. For reminding me (some of you constantly) that you love me, even when I don't feel very lovable.

As one great pal pointed out last night:

Bad stuff: 32 years.

Denial:32 years.

Sad/crying part: 7 months.

Anger: day 2.

It's 11:11. Make a wish. Say a prayer, for the ones we love, the ones we've lost, and even, for the ones we don't like so much. Really, the Big Guy (or Gal, Mags :) keeps score way better than I do.