I'm on camera. I know it. I knew the people that rang me out, at all four pharmacies. I would've gone further from home, but I figured, honestly? Once there seems to be a run on douche, they're going to track me down anyway, and figure out what the living hell is going on.
I can see the headlines now.....Woman Surrounded By Hazmat Suit Wearing Physicians: they've asked for bedding, panties, and samples, to find out just what kind of vaginal ickiness she seems to be passing around. List of bedmates? Sexual partners? (just a little fyi: in my house, those are indeed, two separate columns. Bedmates: 2. Small dog, small child. Sexual partners: 0)
They'd be horrified to discover that while I'm keeping Massengil afloat in this terrible economy, it's simply to wash my fucking dog, who has yet to discover the connection between rolling in poop, and horrendous bathing experience. So I douched her (I'm finding comfort in the fact that in german, douche literally means to bathe...not like it does here: you've funky shit growing in your snatch) followed up with regular puppy shampoo, only to find that yep, musky horse poop (this time) smell has been replaced by Wet Dog/White Vinegar/Powdery Something Or Other.
Rotten salad, in other words.
I'm annoyed. Not just because she's an idiot with no self control who finds it necessary to roll. But because it's us girls that get taken for a ride during this economy. I realized this in CVS, just before closing hours, when I realized that I not only had a coupon for tampons, but CVS points as well to use - and guess what: even with that, they're the same price I paid last year. That's right, ladies, we're a captive audience, and they've got us by the cotton string. I even compared pads, (shudder, I just....can't) and that price rose as well. I would've looked into the prices of all the "remedies" made only for us, but I can only handle so much in a day.
Milk? I understand. Feeding cows, getting their 13 gallon water beds so they sleep better, producing more...transportation, all raises price of milk. Plus also? EVERYONE buys milk.
But tampons? You've GOT to be kidding me! ALL brands have raised their prices; and we've no choice, as a gender, but to spend along. What else are we going to do? Go off in the woods and hide for a week or so? Looking for soft bark and leaves like they do on those islands where they still think that a monthly is some sort of curse? (Okay, I agree, it is. Cramps. Headaches. That nasty lack of patience - some of us are short on that to start with, so zapping that is really cruel, the water weight gain - why do you think ladies have four pant sizes in our closets?) We're stuck with two choices: diapers, or tampons. Just for the record: paper or plastic applicator does not effect price tag. There is one brand where you may, if you wish "supply your own applicator" is MORE expensive....not to mention (for me at least) it's too gross option to consider.
Men? Pfft. They've got it easy. Jock itch, condoms, other guy stuff I most likely don't want to know about - it's all on an As Needs Basis. If you're married? Guess what. You're condom budget just flew out the window, as most likely, if you're not interested in procreating right away, she's the one paying through the nose for the pills or patches.
Us? We're talking monthly expense. It's not fair. Why should I have to pay more for something over which I've no control? And, only affects half the population?
I want it to be fair: raise the price on all that pheremone filled body wash that guys buy by the gallon; and their razors, and most importantly? Up the price of their deodorant. They use more of if (or Jesus, they should) than we do, so then? I'd think it was more evenly matched. I wouldn't feel as taken advantage of, especially when I'm already pissy.
Standing in the middle of CVS, I feel like both of us got douched.
Right in the wallet.
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