Do. Not. Flush.

So the VIP visitor that never came (yet) that had me doing the whole Melt the Yellow Snow off the deck, pick up deposits - which I kind of did? I also kind of...didn't.

Snow: melted.

Deposits: hidden under summer chair that I'd left out there and have totally forgotten to put away. (or, I can be honest and I say I didn't feel like picking up chair, as is M's, and well. I have trouble going there still - but that's another whole blog in and of itself) As we're due more snow tomorrow, I figured I'd go ahead and pick up all shit (literally), get deck ready so that Pucker doesn't go out there to dig up Poopsicles to eat. Ewww.

I had briefly considered using planter remaining from previous owner to "hide" deposits under new dirt - but had a feeling? That plan would have backfired. Pucker enjoys digging. No need to encourage horrendous habits, both digging and oral hygiene wise from eating "treasures".

Took shovel, Poop Gloves (in case you forgot: black glovies trimmed with cutie pattern? for dishes; purple gloves for poop) double plastic shopping bag, took deep breath, stepped bravely onto deck. Shoveled around some. Slid chair over with tip of foot.

Oh. My. God. In. Heaven.

Not realized how much got shoved under chair. Ooookaaay. No problem. Filled double grocery bags, some of which was snow, most of which was...not. Good news column? Is off deck. Bad news? Is to follow....

Since I ascribe to the whole Why Put In Trash That Which May Be Flushed, I proceeded to slowly feed snow encrusted logs into toilet, along with splashes of warm water. Flushed.

Nothing happened. Added more hot water, some soapies, as everyone knows that soap moves poop along like nobody's business! - flushed again. Faster than the speed of light, I found myself having been into garage, plunger firmly in hand, heart in throat as panic flooded the house - right along side the nearly overflowing bowl. In situations like this? Best to take breath, watch water level slowly lower, hit a couple of time with the plunger again, add boiling water to speed process.

No need to blow a pipe flushing frozen shit.

Don't even want to think about the look on the face of the plumber. How do I explain that the snow melts in trash can, leaches out of the plastic bags, leaving this gross slimy stuff on the bottom of the can - and do you have any idea how hard it is to bleach a blasted trashcan as tall as my tits when you've already turned off the outside hose so IT won't freeze? Most likely, I'd have to call Plumber Number Two.

Oh boy. That horrendous pun was totally unintended.

I have yet to do the front yard; I know, I should've started that one first - I do share it with the Lovely Neighbors....but as they saw me in my jammies, the footie ones no less! while snapping pictures of Guinea Hens hanging out on lawn this morning, screeching for all they were worth, I didn't want to get attacked while on Poop Patrol.

For the record?

They're not friendly.

They do NOT enjoy being photographed.

I departed, (ran like bat out of hell) being chased by six grey and one white hen. Evidently, the white ones are meaner than the grey - in my book, though, that's not saying a whole bunch. I got all puffed up myself, doing that inner version of Come Any Close And I'll Put My Size 8's Up Your Sorry Feathered Ass - but honestly? I was thinking that while running like hell.

Everyone up here in these condo's remains thrilled with the "natural wildlife that wanders about" - leads me to ask, do we have any "unnatural" wildlife roaming around? - personally, I can do without oversize, bossy, loud, sharp-beaked monsters chasing me off my own yard.

Cuz trust me on this one: they are SO not more afraid of me than I am of them.

Proved that this morning. Brings me right back to starting point: is now dark. Dog poop is dark. Flashlight is (gee, golly darn) out of batteries. Birds are gone; poop remains. No way to de-feces the front yard prior to storm without having to employ small dog to locate, try to pry Poopsicle from her maws, only to then think about flushing it so is not in trashcan -

However. I am a fast learner.

Frozen poop, no matter how small, how partially thawed that the powder room (or throne room, your choice) smells -

Do. Not. Flush.