Pisser

Ever try to get a urine sample from an unsuspecting Great Dane?

Me either.

Til today.

It really should have two participants - beyond the dane - so that one of you can "catch" and the other can distract the dane from the "catcher", in midstream.

As there is only one of me, perhaps you can imagine the great difficulty, and resulting hilarity. H has laughed hard enough that he too offered me a sample, just...not one in a cup. More of...on the deck. And really, I cannot blame him. It must be quite a sight. Mommy ever so slowly sneaking up on Gauge, hoping he just doesn't notice that I'm sliding a cup under him while he lets loose all that water he's been sucking down incessantly. Watching as I nonchalantly slip the offending ziploc tupperware container, while whistling - as that will fool him, no doubt! - at arms length... only to find that I've missed. The er...target... landed on my arm, not in the cup. Damn. Foiled again. Yes. I said AGAIN. TYhis has happened on more than one occassion.

I realize he's not feeling well, and that's he's itchy too boot, but honestly, I'm starting to think this is something my vet thought up simply for his own amusement. I've got him hopped up on more benedryl than I would take, with aspirin to bring down the temp, he's losing hair on his ears, face, arms and back paws, after scratching himself silly.

I suppose, I'm just not sure which of us is being inflicted more horrendously at this final stage of idiocy - him, or me. I'm inclined to think me, really, as he's not the one getting whizzed on. And damn, that dog can whiz. The funniest part, is that no matter how fast I am, or how accurate I think I'm being, he manages to shift his weight, or take a step at just that last crucial moment, and...I'm both pissed off and on.

With nothing to show the damn vet.

At least he's taking the kiddie meds better than I expected - he's to the point now, where he lines up at the counter, at just about the right time, and waits there, til I get out the mini-turkey baster and load him up. Cherry, it turns out, is his favorite. And while we're worried (significantly) about his kidneys, and whether or not they're failing, his liver output, and his rediculous drinking habits, I've got to say, this is something I'll remember always.