The Estate Agent is coming tomorrow.

Which has started an avalanche of both physical and mental considerations, the least of them being, how filthy is the house, the most of them being, am I ready to give up my den, my hibernating cave, and move back into real life?

It’s occured to me, more than once, I’ll admit, that living In The Middle Of Nowhere has provided me the Ultimate Out: I cannot date, as I live too far away, which is why I don’t host cocktail parties, dinner parties, shindigs and other alcohol inducing get togethers. I’ve hidden behind the excuses long enough, that even I believed them - and I was happy here, hiding out.

But then, I met Maggie, and Helen, Robin and the others. We had dinner, and their neighbors, of which they all are, and have many more, loved me. There is a house in forclosure, and while it needs work, it’s totally doable. We’d be closer to real people, and friends! for both me, and H. Attractive. To say the least. Good schools, right down the street; H could take the bus. Decent daycare, for when I land that full time Big Girl Job, with the high salary, and the benefits, plus, The Girls would always help out, and I’d get to repay the favor too.

To be honest though? I’m more terrified than excited: I’d have to get down off my Living In Nowhere cross I’ve been haning out on, and Get A Life, and no longer hide behind the other truth: that B rent my life, as it were, in half, and I’ve needed the time to recover. I don’t begrudge any time I’ve spent out here, not at all - it gave me the time and space to sort through my feelings, on many subjects and people, redevelop who I am, and who I want to be, along with cementing my realtionship with Hunter.

It’s almost like Spring has arrived. Finally. To my house.

Leaving feels right - even if these buyers don’t turn out to be The Ones. I just have a feeling that this is an omen, telling me it’s time to move on, both physically, and mentally.

Get some new girlfriends, meet some new people, go on some dates.

Let go of B, and R; the dreams that never came true out here, from how my life was supposed to be.

Sorting through all this has consumed the better part of my weekend; plus worryign about Gauge. Who, by the way, has a kidney infection, and some sort of issue beyond that, but we’re not totally sure what it is, and I”m not dropping four hundred dollars to find out. We’ll treat this part. And his seasonal allergies, that are plaguing his ears, and the rest of him. Go from there. One thing at a time.

Which, I suppose, is how life is: one foot in front of the other.

One meeting with an Estate Agent at a time.

Wish me luck; God knows I need it.