You give me NOTHING?!

For all the time I spend covered in bug spray, wandering to and fro, late at night, when it's hot, humid, and all around disgusting out, one might think Pucker Up would at the very least reward me with something to take home.

Not tonight.

We sniffed rabbit trails, bird habitats, where deer have been spotted, and we've been chased by particularly unfriendly big, fat, hens (thankfully, not tonight - I wasn't in the correct shoes for that kind of "flight" pardon the un-intended pun) - yes, I enjoy wandering our neighborhood with either Fox, or more often than not, Jonathan.....but dammit, after she's pooped on my office rug AGAIN, a habit I not only detest but had thought we'd completely outgrown - leave a frigging dump for me to pick up outside.

I swear, if she does the pawing at the front door crying routine tonight, at some ungodly hour, I might just get her stuffed. She wouldn't eat the dog food, instead preferring to peruse the table in circus dog fashion, as she's not tall enough to totally reach the table top, even on hind legs.

Thank God.

Yes, I realize, many of you may think - look! a night off! no toting around smelly bags of feces through the complex, awaiting the last of the three load drops - and I am...I suppose.

However, now I'll spend a good portion of the night wondering when I'll be awakened by a scent so ugly it defies description. Undoubtedly, if she does the In Home Drop? It'll be behind the dining room table.

Especially as shitting on the deck is beneath her.

Again, I do indeed realize that this habit, put into place this winter, when it was too damn cold to walk her nine million times a day to potty train her (thus assisting her Festive Holiday Weight Gain) is one I both love and loathe. Love it, as it's easy to deal with - no leashing, walking, bug spray, baggage - but the deck smells like, well, shit. It is also how we learned several very handy lessons - for instance, don't ever flush frozen dog poop. Big no-no.

Now that she's insisting on shitting on the grass?

I'm highly annoyed with that as well.

All this telling me she has to go out with the pawing at the front door, bringing me piles of things (items that are distinctly NOT hers) so I'll know for sure we need to go potty; yes, I admit, I could do with the exercise too - but that is sooooo beside the point.

The point?

After all that hooting and hollering that she needed to go, eschewing the deck for shitting, only to drag me hither and yon tonight to do NOTHING?

Not. Acceptable.

If I thought it would've helped?

I'd have kicked the shit out of her.

At least then, I'd feel as though I accomplished something.