Why didn't I think of that?

Yup. It's true. I'm a moron.


(add big, dramatic, heart felt fuck me sigh).


Even thawed, still warm, two log dog dumps clog toilet. Most disturbing was the whump gurgle cough cough whump noise it made right before I watched all the water get sucked out of the bowl. Only to not return. At all.


Started out as slightly concerning.


Stood there, for a bit, chewing on my lip, as the scent of freshly fed dog wafted from deep in the bowl, waiting....waiting.....waiting.......broke into slight sweat, waiting for water to appear.


Hmmm.


Had that conversation in my head - you know that one, when you've screwed up, and now you've got to tell someone about it? Goes something like this:


Poop is not frozen. Poop is not at fault. Therefore. Must not be pipe.


Okay.


Noooo problem.


Perhaps lots of people in their condos all flushed at the same time. Like all the people that live here, at the very same time.


Was not big log; I have a thirty pound beagle - she cannot create something so large as to stop up a pipe ...er...bigger than her own.


Right?


Wrong.


Fuck.


Now have to tell Jonathan, that not only have I stopped up the toilet (again) but I did it flushing dog poop. (ahem, again)


Which I swore I wouldn't do anymore. I pay for trash pick up, I don't even have to deal with the Pay To Throw bags; why can't I just throw it in the trash like normal people do? Really? Really? The double really gets me every time.


Only I'll stand my ground by pointing out that this was not frozen, which is the kind of poop I promised not to flush.


Did the whole Plunging Thing, Swearing Thing, Hanging My Head Thing.


Nothing worked. And worse? No water returned at all. Where did it go?


Bit the bullet, reached for phone, and sent my HoneyDo list to J.......


Shelves. For kitchen. Look at door for laundry, currently in basement, not on door hingey thingie like it should be. unclog toilet. Order dinner. Pick up dinner.


Bless his heart - he shows up, asked what was first on his list, so I went through list. Add fluttering blue eyes. Big toothy smile, cheshire cat grin kind, when I got to toilet part.


He asked me if I'd looked at the inside of the toilet. I think he was trying not to laugh, and be huffy at the same time. This is, perhaps, the third time I've done this. Only once it was someone else's fault. Someone who uses a lot of paper....wait, did he ask me a question? About looking inside the toilet?


Is he new? I'd not have a clue what to do with the floating ball thing attached so that slimy piece - on top of that? I don't have rubber gloves long enough to reach into there without having the icky water touch me.


Since we got busy with what I'm now sort of laughing referring to as The Triplets- I painted the downstairs bath, going from Old Lady Green to *gasp* New York Yankee's, he was giving table saw lessons (OMG, on a side note? He made three shelves, replacing the one that came with the armoire, as then all the shelving would match) -I'm sure he'll tell me that's not the kind of saw it was, but anyway, by the time we'd done dinner, shower three kids, blow dry hair on one, stick one back in the shower, as I meant use soap not soak, the movie bit, 9pm arrived before I'd realized it.


Quarantine the movie? Sucks. Don't bother renting it. Watching with J, while hogging all the Raisonets? Totally do again.


We brushed our teeth, him standing behind me, in After 5s, both of us staring at the bowl, sans water still! when he looks at me, I start laughing, toothpaste frothing down my shirt....he makes me promise, this time?


No matter how small, how fresh, how much smaller than I what I swear other's have flushed - No. More. Dog. Poop.


It's okay to not flush.


In fact, I live so darn close to the woods, why don't I just shovel it off the deck into the wee brook behind the condo hidden by woods?


Shit.


Why didn't I think of that?