Just Me Thing.

There are times and places for little white lies.

One of them lies in the whole I Realize You've Slept With Other People But I'd Like To Think That Some Of This Is A Just Me thing. You know, all those cute, adorable little gestures that you (or, say, me) finds incredibly compelling, and sexy that he does with Just Me. Only Me.

As in, No One Else Has Done That. It's a Just US thing.

Do note the importance of Just Us.

And, the more important, Just Me.

I realize J's slept with other people. He has children. While Foxy remains completely convinced that I've "never made the noises that daddy's girlfriend makes" in bed, (and boy, if she's screaming "who's your daddy" he's spot on) he didn't arrive here in a stork sling; just reading the blog he can glean the idea that he's not my first.

But I'd like to be the First At Something. Something not done with anyone else, so there's no Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past looming or lurking around. I so don't want to end up doing that mental comparison in my head....was she better at this? Or that? Was she fatter, thinner, bigger boobs, ones that didn't succumb to the rigors of vigorous nursing that my son did, so they hang nearly to my knees? I don't want to wonder, if this nebulous she was any more attractive, cuter, more adorable, or better in bed than I am. I can be insecure enough without any help!!!

So J? When I ask you, all snugged up into your chest, smelling your neck, if this is a Just Me thing?

The answer is unequivocally yes.

I don't want to know that something I thought was a Just Me Thing turns into a I Did It With Everyone Thing. It's bad enough that essentially, I've slept with his ex-wife in two ways, (obviously, he slept with her, but so did an ex of mine - so...ewww) but to know, without a doubt that a tiny little (hmmm, tiny's not quite the right word for it) something that I thought was me, turns out to be the same something that lots of other people did?

So not cool.

In the same way, (I will deny this, to my dying day, FYI) we know we look fat in certain pants. Or dress. Or whatever. We ask you anyway. We seek the reassurance that you still find us attractive, over everyone else, even if our pants are ...tighter...say...than they might have been. In the same fashion, that I want to think that there's something left, that is a new, first thing with me. And him.

A Just Us thing.

You know?