Croc o' shibbitz

I broke down.

Bought my little guy his first pair of crocs.

And the jibbitz to go on them.

I’ve heard they’re comfy. I can attest, they’re easy to clean. Owners may even Lysol them, should pungent odors rise to nauseating levels. Wear them anywhere - they count as toe-covering shoes, and thus are allowed on playground worldwide. Even considered water shoes, a staple in all sprinkler-invovled children at any daycamp or school this summer. Are they fashionable? Loads of satisfied folks will gladly shout yes from the very soles of their esconsed-in-brightly-colored-and-adorned-rubber feet.

The East Coast Jury Of One continues to deliberate where exactly comfort and style can (or, in this instance cannot ) meet.

I think they are ugly in a way not seen since the invention of the Jelly. C’mon, you remember Jelly’s. Little plastic shoes, with bubbles supporting the arch, plastic buckles attaching the straps around plump little ankles. They were all the rage back when…we said shit like “all the rage”. When it was glamorous to be so out of style, it was considered in. The ’80s leap to mind here. I think, on average, more people wore Jelly’s with their leggin’s and long shirts coupled with large belts - a fashion statment that revisited us briefly this past year. I thank whatever being lives in the Great Upstairs for it’s berevity. The Jelly I realize came alive in the late ’70s, hanging on for a bit into the ’80s, accounting perhaps for my recall. I lusted for a pair of Jelly’s, along with Dr. Scholls - both the ultimate shoe when I was young, and sadly, both just as uncomfortable. Evidently, the Croc combines a stunning lack of taste in footwear, along with comfort, air-conditioning, and pay-as-you-go addons. It’s the gardening shoes that travel out of the garden and into the city. With room for your toes to breathe.

H? Loves loves loves them. With a passion usually reserved for Jello, Star Wars, and anything furry he can name. Like navel lint. Or stuffed animals.

Yes, I’ll admit, they are a parents wet dream - a child of ANY age can slip them on and off themselves; wear the strap up, or back to cover the heel, should the Smaller Fashion Victim need the help keeping them on the toes; buy them in a larger size, and watch them outlast every other shoe on the market - honestly, Crocs look just as rediculous one extra size too big as in the correct size. This way, you small Fasionista may sport them longer - and, in a rediculous array of colors. Fuschia. Highlighter Green. Emergency Cone Orange. Livid Bruising Purple. Sadly, parents and children alike are donning these oversized foot condoms.

They’re gaining in popularity, not shrinking their market share, and slithering off into aerated oblivion.

I suppose there really is nothing to the old adage: if someone is looking at your feet you’re doing something wrong.

I’d love people to look at my feet. With their delicate arches, french pedicure, perfectly pumiced heels. Cutie heels, perhaps a bow on the toe - go on, dress up your piggies.

Just realize that a carefully selected and placed jibbitz does not count.