Have a heart

I've been studying cardiology.

Considering my father is a cardiologist, one might assume, having grown up showing scared old folks that getting an echocardiogram a, doesn't hurt, and b, is pretty damn cool, along with how to read and EKG, I'd find this section a breeze.

Monumentally incorrect.

First, there are about a million bits and bobs to recall, and I'm telling you, the guy that zoned Boston, who thought it was totally acceptable to change the name of the streets just as you figure out where you are? Yeah, he did the heart too. One vein changes names six times before it ends in your fingers. SIX. TIMES. Wouldn't it simply be easier to say, the pulmonary vein goes all the down to your phalanges?

Yeah, I thought so too. No one asked me.

Instead, for part of the Practice Final Exam, I found myself staring at a blown up version of the heart, with nearly 100 bits of it to name. Not to mention spell. And then break down into the Latin: pre-fix, root, and suffix. It bothers me that the apex of the heart is located at the bottom, since the apex of a mountain, a sundae, or really anything else I can think of is at the top. Fine (add a big huffy breath) I fully understand that apex, in its true Latin form simply means: point. But still.

I dare you to think of something with a point at the bottom. A sugar cone does not count, as when loaded with soft serve? There is an apex at both ends. Nice try though, if you thought of that one too.

It also bothers me greatly that in the cardiac sinatrial node department, which transfers electrical impulses through the heart, telling both sides to either relax (diasystole) or contract (systole) is called The Bundle Of His. Connects to the Branches Of His. Which connect to something I don't recall. The freaking apex is my guess.

There is no Bundle Of Hers. Of the three valves in the heart, two are known as having two flaps; the last one, called the tricuspid valve also has only two valves. This. Is. Not. Fair. If I am supposed to recall that the one valve is a tricuspid freaking valve, it should have three flappy pieces to it, not two. I'm starting to see why Latin and Greek are dead languages; no one knew what the hell anyone was saying.

I'm all for interesting trivia, (anyone who knows me knows that) but I truly didn't need to know that the tongue, the taste buds in particular, are actually hairs. I had always sort of picturing them as wee mushroom caps, clumped together, I, myself, having a larger than normal number of "sweet" ones.....which would explain why I'm not fond of onions, or garlic, olives, or curry. I'd no idea each bud is a collection of hairs, all attached under the epidural layer of the tongue.

That majorly grosses me out.

Rather akin to knowing somewhere in the deep recess of my brain that beef comes from adorable cows, who also happen to make lovely handbags, shoes, wallets, and car seats (I prefer mine heated, ps.) - I don't need to dwell on it, or make it real, by picking up half a heifer to slaughter myself upon my arrival home. Nope. Meat comes in cellophane wrapped packages. Shoes come in boxes. Hand bags arrive in lovely green boxes, in a striped bag emblazoned with Kate Spade on the front.

None of those items do I swing through a barn to purchase.

Sure, I find it fascinating, to say the least, that the appendix, attached to a section of the intestine, is considered in the Immunity department, right up there with the spleen, the lymph nodes, the thymus gland.....but honestly? The medical community still has yet to reach agreement on whether or not the appendix does anything. At all. Especially since one can get along just peachy without one. In fact, I'm hard pressed (and I've looked, 'cuz I was curious) to locate any article, literature, case study or disease pattern that was miraculously cured by the appendix. I find it entirely stupid beyond belief that it's included in possibly providing assistance with immunity, when honestly? What do we hear about the appendix?

The damn thing gets infected. If it's not removed ASAP or STAT, your "pseudo-helpful" organ infects your system, causing massive sepsis, in turn means: you'll expire. As though the back of your ass has an expiration date stamped upon it. Like yogurt. Or milk.

I'll go back to studying; and hope that I've not an issue with the arterial flow above the neck line. Then, maybe, I might recall something.