Half?!

I suscribe to an online doggie tip website.

Don't ask me why, I know dogs. It's one of the few things I can say, with complete sincerity, I know. All. The. Way. Through. I find some of the tips amusing, not only because I can tell you they don't work, but because some newbie thinks they might. I pity them, as they are seeking real advice, from someone who is supposed to know puppies better than they do. The one writing the column? A VET. Recommending to put paper down for an already fully house trained dog just because it's snowy outside? Seriously? Baaaaaadddd idea. "Reading" the Sunday paper takes one a whole new meaning, most likely? One you won't enjoy. Heaven knows I won't. It's taken me eons to train her outside; why take a four paw step back?!

I'd like to correct them in the "comments" space, but really, why rub their noses in their own poop, you know?

Today, my personal favorite one appears: How to bathe your pup when they don't want to stand still for grooming. This ought to prove interesting...and it did: this guy's suggestion was to bathe half of your dog today, and the other half tomorrow. As though overnight, they'll suddenly lose their hatred for this particular activity. They do not have the synapse capacity to think: gee, if only I stood still, I wouldn't be subjected to this horror twice. Just once.

Since it takes such effort to get the beast in the tub to begin with, why on Earth would I want to only do half?! Do I clean half the toilet today, and the other half tomorrow, because I find it a less than thrilling prospect? Or shave only one leg? No, I do not. Once started, best once finished.

This guy is nuts. Nuts.

I pity the poor soul who hauls a huge dog - anything about ten pounds, who may bathe in the kitchen sink -(most likely, it's the bigger ones that give you the most trouble anyway) into a tub, convinced he's only going to bathe the back half, as, well, he's plenty of time and energy to whip up a tub of doggie bubbles for the front half. The half with teeth. You know, tomorrow night. When he's apparently nothing better to do. Rollers, in particular, generally visit The Tub on a more regular schedule: trust me, they don't usually limit their rolling to one half of their bodies, or the other. I know this....from a good deal of personal experience.

I have a dedicated roller. She certainly doesn't think about only rolling her hips in something; or her head. Nope, it's a full on whole body experience. Like freaking bathing.

Now, if done right? The dog bath becomes quite easy, nimble even: well lather the front half of dog... while rinsing writhing, howling, most likely trying to escape beast, lather into the back half the soapies you formed on the front half. See? Soapies also tend to get caught around the paws, so look, a good soaking soapy paw-di-cure to boot.

Whole dog bathed, half the time.

Half the towels. Half the aggravation. Half the ensuing idiocy, trapping the dog into the bathroom, since your nosy son needs to check on his beloved's bathing experience, leaving the door wide open, so perhaps, you're aromatic daredevil may make a break for it, only rolling on your bed to dry off.

Should that occur?

Clearly, you don't need the towels anyway.

You need extra bedding.

And perhaps, just maybe? A better doggie tip website.