New Blender!!

Remember that blender I killed - er, rather, died of natural causes?

Apparently, I assisted it. (C'mon, we all knew I had to have had some part in it's demise...I've taken out just about everything else) Evidently? The frozen solid items go on top of the liquid.

Who knew?!

Not I.

I've always assumed that the blender and the slow cooker have those things in common...the harder to cook (or demolish) go on the bottom; the easier to handle items, that need less work? On the top. Torqued out the damn blender. Took me 8 (maybe 10?) years or so, but I kind of thought if my mother could keep a washer and dryer alive for over 20 years, I should be able to keep the damn blender.

Instead, I've taken the big leap:

I've upsized. To the Deluxe model. I'd some assistance in picking it out, and not simply the big red Target SALE tag on it either. It said Deluxe. Clearly, that means me. Great claims for gnashing up to 2 cups of ice at a crack, has a smoothie setting all it's own, as well as crush, liquify, and chop.

I read the hand book.

Thank God I did.

Very clearly states that it won't froth egg white, whip cream, or essentially bring anything to a stiff peak. It will not chop veggies, and (it does say this) - this model should not be confused with a food processor.

Um...........except........it processes food. Into drinkable yumminess. So okay, I can totally give on whipping cream or egg whites, egg substitutes and every other no-no item they had til I got to the very bottom of the page:

No meat products.

Did you hear all the music stopping over here? Like at one of those obnoxious dance clubs, where you've something private to say, you've said it once, your companion didn't hear you so you yelled it - at the same time there was dead air from the mixer so everyone heard you?

Me too.

The no meat thing simply foreshadowed the next (and thankfully final statement): Do. Not. Put. In. Dishwasher.

What the hell do they mean it doesn't belong in the dishwasher? And I've to take it apart? Those tine blendery knive things are sharp! I totally have no business being on the end of that. Another scary line? "Be certain to line up the seal appropriately".

Um....wasn't that done, say, at the plant?!

I've a horrible feeling this one may not last long. Oh, I'll follow the directions, even the part that says "do NOT immerse in water" - but the no blending meat?

If it can crush ice, 2 whole cups at a time, why can it not take down a little fall off the bone tender ribs? Or steak tips?

Sure, it looks gross. People eat things that look gross all the time. Sushi leaps to mind. Or onion tart. Or canned, pickled beets. I could go on, but I'm nauseas already. Granted, I don't eat any of those things - but pureed meat products? While I still can't chew?

Totally don't care what it looks like. If it's meat, I'm getting it thru a straw.

I thought about asking J if there was a way to amp up the horsepower; but he's already threatened to take his tools home, and I've still not used the nail gun.

Or other things that might possibly attach to the scary air compressor.

Poor thing is already in my kitchen, might as well get the shock of it's life: being used for purposes the plant manager never intended.