Wired

This whole wired jaw thing is annoying.

However, on the plus side, Fox and I have managed to work out a system of sign language (okay, so it needs a LOT of practice, but we rather do work well together, whereas J seems quite reluctant to get on board) - worked tremendously well when we stopped at Wendy's last night for dinner. He had 3 sets of nuggets (some of the dog) and I had a root beer float. Am loving the floatage.

Even Pucker Up and Smooch Me has learned a few signs. She already knew hand signals for sit, wait, stay, down - your basics, if you will - but she's so smart (yes, I do realize this is in direct opposition to other posts, where she's been portrayed as dumb as a box of hammers) she learned a new sign for "kennel up you stupid dog" - it's the same sign I use for idiot drivers, a universal sign, if you will.

That's right. Ye Olde Communication finger is our new symbol for Get In Your Kennel Before I Skin You And Wear You As A Stole.

Granted, the lines of discipline are a wee tad hazy; liquid oxycontin really does have that effect. I know that some things aren't really okay?

I no longer care.

This stuff has the amazing effect of passing out the Whatever Attitude - so long as you don't seriously cross me?

Have at it.

Sure, I draw the line at leaping off the balcony, trying to hit the couch - but when last night, Pucker was chasing what we thought was a bug, and it turned out to be Cookie, our newest hamster, I didn't do the Holy Shit Freak, as I might have.

Instead, I calmly told J to handle it.

And he did.

When the pharmacy, bless their little hearts, couldn't fill the script, as the Dr. didn't fill out the script correctly?

That was not a good moment.

When they finally figured it out, and it was delivered into sweaty, agony filled paws?

I forgave them the four hour wait.

In fact, until just now, I'd nearly forgotten all about it.

The bad news, is that with my jaw wired shut, and talking at a one hour a day limit (and that's really stretching it, ps.) all those pithy, witty remarks for which I am known, occur only in my head, where I can hear them.

Such a waste.

I'm now devoting a greater deal of my time to Facebook, where I can comment to all at once! and, mostly likely reach a much greater audience. This could the launch of my comedic career, if I really put my mind to it.

Which is unlikely, given that in a few moments, I'll forget I even had that idea.