My idiot bunny chasing howling dog is going to get us kicked out. It's nearly 11pm, and she's out there, banging away on her walk, a total embarrassment to my household....though most likely, a credit to her breed.
I wish she'd never figured out that beagles were hunting dogs. Of some kind. Birds. Bunnies. Moths. If you count Florida, lizards. I do rather wish she'd read the handbook on how to be a lazy-ass French bulldog. Their idea of a stroll is through the living room and back. I'm not sure they have a purpose other than ornamentation. Either way, I've already been nailed by the association (read: Lois, in that snotty cut glass English accent I like to use when discussing her) for her barking "unattended on the deck" - Fox came in for a sweatshirt before going back out - and her "voiding" on my lawn. Naturally, I was reminded it wasn't my lawn, but rather, a public area to be treated as sacred ground.
Stupid bitch doesn't know that getting pissed on by my dog counts as a religious experience.
Now that I can pee standing up on one side, I have this fantasy that I go out there and write her name in her lawn. Or just leave a giant mark, so she'll think some huge, mangy dog lurked around at night, waiting for her to leave her perch in her kitchen window (when she's not torturing us with her "musical inclinations") to leave his scent and a yellow stain on her pristine lawn. Of course, I, the shocked and horrified neighbor would need to write her up immediately, because, DUH, we simply cannot have that kind of undignified behavior going on.
Not here.
And most assuredly, not there.
What kind of example is a past president setting if she's allowing beasts of all size to piss on her lawn? Of course, no one would think of me, per se - I've made it pretty clear I wouldn't piss on her if she were on fire - instead, clearly, the blame would be placed elsewhere.
If it continued (and let's face it, it would) Lois would be fined, and asked to leave.
I'm just hoping that she gets asked to leave before my dog does. In fact, she'd have to be, since the proof is right there, on her lawn, and no one can prove that it was my stupid beagle among the many that reside here who found bunnies in our back "voiding area as drawn on your homeowners map".
It could have been one of the many Molly's. They all walk back there.
Since Lois went to Vassar, (said in the same snotty tones, with the Snob Curl of the upper lip going as well) she truly is a credit to her breed as well. Nosy. Overbearing. Snotty. Not terribly attractive; an uptight cousin to the Chinese Crested, who has tufts of hair hanging off their heads, and out their ears.
My dog may be an embarrassment to our house; but at least it's not a human who is.
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