I ran into this guy last night - nope, not anyone I know - while out with a gf for her bday. Now, we’ll skip right over the bare facts that her birthday was in September, and, thus I might be closer to celebrating the upcoming one than the one previously passed, or, that I was late, due to unruly and stubborn client - and jump right to my point.

I got hit on.

Which is flattering, to say the least, and while I sat there, in amused contemplation of events, letting his glib chatter roll over me in dulcet tones, I couldn’t help but realize that in this tenuous beginning stages of relationships, there really IS no way to catagorize what I have with M. Oh, sure, I love him. I firmly believe he loves me. We’re just not open and chatty about it - we’re both still shell shocked from previous relationships, and while the walls aren’t there between us, the words are awaiting that perfect I don’t ever want to retract them moment. You know the one - when realization strikes a chord between ever-lasting total permanace sort of feelings, and the possibly fleeting ones while still in the stages of Early Days.

So this guy, who is rather …. aggressive…. in his drink posturing and offering, quite nosy in his quest to uncover seemingly interesting facets of my life, gets a little put out when I tell him (for the third time) I’m not available. I’m quite enjoying his conversation, but I feel no need, or, alas, desire to continue it beyond the boundries of the bar in which we sit, each awaiting a table with our respective companions. And no, I would not care to join his table, dragging my gf with me - she’s not playing wingman tonight; we’re here to take on far cagier issues, like her crumbling marriage. Neither of these events furthers my thoughts about where M and I are headed; in fact, my fears about being able to pick someone resurface, casual bubbles to the surface of a glass smooth lake, all nebulous, here and then popped, without a firm grip.

Why is it assumed that unless one is sure they are on a road of love paved with platinum and gems, double rings and property, they are totally available to others? I feel to a certain degree, as though society has taken a huge downturn in it’s morals as a whole; where is the respect for that sense of Belonging Together - not to each other, but WITH each other?

Marie and I pondered her life, her marriage, or dwindling lack thereof; we spoke of respect and sex, desire for intimacy of the emotionally physical kind, not just the sheer relief of a pheremone release, how disrespect in general makes the road to relationships rocky indeed. We touched on our kids, and their attitudes, our love for them that never wanes, but how our patience is tested, whether we each would have another, should the opportunity be afforded us - she specifically asked about, as with four kids between us, would he want another? Do I?

I suppose, it was then, that the realization hit me - I’d rather be with the right guy, who lets me be Just Me, and that’s more than enough, but who may or may not want children, then be with someone for whom I’m settling, as his sperm is seeking an egg.

Maybe, that’s the hallmark of a good choice - when being with them supercedes where you go, what you do, what you may have thought possibly someday maybe, you wanted.

I’m not saying M is The One. Far too early to tell.

But I am saying, that even when temptation is thrust upon me, I still prefer his company, to that of anyone else.

Maybe, that’s all that matters.